Unravelling
by rosie-bec
Summary: Everything begins to unravel and the Doctor isn't responding, but when Jack and Martha find the TARDIS dying it seems the universe isn't the only thing that needs saving. Now finished, with an alternative ending for fluffy people!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Here's a new story, completely unrelated to any of my others. So no need to worry bout catching up.

* * *

Unraveling

"Right then Miss Jones. This is our stop," the Doctor called as the TARDIS bumped to a halt.

Excitedly Martha ran to the doors with a huge smile on her face. It soon disappeared though as she stepped out.

"But this is my flat. What are we doing here?"

"I'm done," the Doctor's voice floated over her shoulder.

"What do you mean you're done?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I mean I'm done. It's was lovely to meet you Martha Jones. Have a fantastic life." He didn't offer even a whisper of a smile and Martha had never seen his eyes so hollow. Reaching behind him he pulled out a bag. "You might want these. Goodbye Martha."

Before she could protest he shut the door and sent the TARDIS back into the vortex.

XxXxX

"I don't get it. Why hasn't he responded?" Jack raked his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more as he paced round the hub.

"Who?" Gwen asked her eyes following him.

"The Doctor."

"Doctor who?"

"Very funny."

"Jack what are you talking about?"

The time agent stopped in his tracks and regarded her. "My friend, the Doctor. The man who saves the universe on a weekly basis? The guy we have a million files on."

Gwen frowned at him and tapped away on the keyboard in front of her. "Jack have you been at the Retcon again? There is no Doctor on the system."

"What?!" Jack ran to Gwen's side and stared at the monitor. "That's not right. It can't be! He has to be here, without him we're sunk."

XxXxX

Martha jumped off the bus and took a taxi to the Millennium centre. She needed to talk to Jack.

The Doctor had taken off a week ago and hadn't come back, now she was worried. He never took off and what did he mean when he said he was 'done'?

She thought she had a vague idea but she wanted to be wrong. Ever since Jack had left them to go back to Torchwood the Doctor had been almost impossible. She'd seen him sad before but that was excruciating. It was like a big black cloud followed him every where he went. Some days she didn't see him at all, like he was avoiding her.

Pulling her phone out of her pocket she searched for Jack's number.

"Jack, its Martha…"

"Oh thank god! Where the hell have you guys been? There's some funky things going on and I don't like the look of it one bit."

"I'm outside, can you let me in?"

Jack didn't like the tone of her voice. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's the Doctor, he's… he's…." she didn't know what to say, she didn't know what he was anymore or where.

"Hang on, I'm coming up."

Sure enough a few seconds later Jack appeared on the pavement.

"Where's Doctor?"

Martha shrugged. "I don't know. Something's wrong Jack. I feel like I'm starting to forget him. Things we did a few weeks ago, things he said, they're hard to recollect. And now it's hard to even picture his face."

"The computers have lost all the files on him that I had. When did you last see him?"

"Last week. He landed in my flat, dumped my bag out and said he was 'done'."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I think it means he's given up."

"What about the TARDIS?"

"I found it in a park in London. It's been there ever since, not moved. The lights on the outside are off and it won't let me in."

"But you've got a key haven't you?"

"It doesn't work. It's like he's changed the locks and gone into hiding."

"Jack!" Gwen's voice gasped as she reached the top of the stairs and burst out onto the street. "You better come quickly! We've got serious trouble!"

The three pounded down the stairs into the hub.

Jack skidded to a halt as his gaze locked onto the monitor. "Where is that?"

"London," Gwen panted.

"It can't be. It just can't. It's impossible. The Doctor wouldn't let this happen."

"Jack?" Martha stepped up behind him to look at the monitor. "But….." Her hand flew to her mouth.

"We need to find him!"

XxXxX

They stood staring at the TARDIS.

"I don't get it, why did he park it here?"

Jack looked around him and scanned the area with his wrist computer. Looking sadly at Martha he held out his hand, "Come on, I'll show you."

The pair walked in silence for a few minutes until Jack stopped in the middle of a courtyard.

"The Powell Estate; former home of Rose Tyler." His pressed his lips into a thin line as he looked around him, secretly hoping for any sign the Doctor was nearby.

"Do you think he's here? Living in her home?"

Jack shook his head. "No. I think leaving the TARDIS near here was his way of saying goodbye to her. Come on, let's see if we can get inside and see what the hell is going on."

Jack took Martha's key and tried it in the lock, sure enough it wouldn't turn. "Come on girl, it's me. And we're here to help." He pressed his hand against the door. He wasn't sure what happened but his hand began to glow slightly for a few seconds before he heard the lock click.

"How did you do that?" Martha looked up at him.

"No idea."

He pushed the door open and almost cried out.

The control room was dark and cold. The walls were no longer glowing with life like they used to, instead they were dull and almost grey. The usual humming of the ship was now barely more than a whisper.

"What's he done to you?" Crossing over to the monitor Jack began typing. "Come on girl, I need some English here," he begged.

Martha stood rooted to the spot at the state of the TARDIS. "What's going on?"

"She's dying. She's been out of the vortex too long and the Doctor is definitely not here. She misses him."

The girl bit her lip as her eyes misted over. She shook her head. Why was she crying over a space ship? It was absurd, it was just a machine. "So what do we do?"

"Well first we need to find out what's happening which means spending a while in the vortex and then we need to land back in time to get to Canary wharf and find out what the hell is going on. That building should be empty." Turning back to the TARDIS he stroked the control panel in much the same way the Doctor used to. "Whaddaya say girl, you gona let me take care of you?"

After a bit of labored wheeze the control panel lit up a bit more and the screen displayed English instructions.

"Atta girl! Hold on tight Martha, this may be a bit bumpier than normal."

Sure enough, the TARDIS trembled and jolted off into the time vortex.

"So what now?"

"We wait. She can charge herself up sufficiently enough in the vortex to give us a few hours at least and while I'm here I'm going to find the Doctor."

"What if he doesn't want to be found?"

"Tough."

XxXxX

_The Doctor strolled around the TARDIS, stroking the walls as he went. One last circuit before he left. Landing in the park that was just round the corner from the Powell Estates the Doctor began to shut the TARDIS down, piece by piece, feeling the darkness impose on him with every flick of a switch. He could hear her protests and felt her sadness that he was leaving her._

"_Sorry old girl. Time to stop running," he sighed, hoisting a duffle bag onto his back and walking to the doors. Without a backward glance he stepped out into the night. _

"Well the good news is, he is definitely in London and with a scan from the TARDIS we should be able to locate him," Jack told her cheerily.

"And then what? He gave up for a reason Jack. What if he doesn't want to help?"

"He can't have given up on us completely otherwise he wouldn't have settled on earth."

"The Doctor would never settle anywhere. It's not in his nature."

"Well he did. He's only been gone a little while, with any luck when we find him he'll be bored enough to fix the mess."

"Who will?" Martha asked, looking around her, a confused look on her face.

"Not funny Martha." Jack looked up at her and saw the look of fear in her eyes.

"How do you know my name?"

"Martha, quit kidding around." He frowned and took a step towards her. She took a step back. "It's me, Jack. You know me we saved the world together, me you and the Doctor. You've got to remember Martha."

She squinted at him, analyzing his face. "Captain Jack," she said finally.

"That's the one. Memories getting a little fuzzy are they?"

She nodded. "It's like, every now and then someone gets out a massive pencil and ruler and just starts crossing things out so that they don't make sense."

"Yeah, Gwen didn't know who I was talking about earlier either."

"So she's forgetting him too?"

"Well to be fair, she never really met him so all she knew was what I'd told her." He smiled softly at her before turning back to the monitor. "Now what on earth did he do that for?"

"What?"

"He entered some really weird commands that make no sense at all."

The TARDIS started beeping and its light began flashing.

"What now?"

"She's picked up on a signal that matches mine but that's impossible. Doc said I'm the only person in the universe to still contain the time vortex."

"So?"

"Well something's on the radar now that is drawing her attention."

"Could it be ….him?" Martha didn't want to admit she'd forgotten his name for a moment.

"Maybe. Hang on tight, we're going in."

XxXxX

* * *

_Next time: _

_"The Doctor solved all this, he fixed it. This is insane," Jack complained staring at the wall in front of him._

_"You're telling me. Where is he anyway?"_

_Jack froze, almost not daring to turn round. Now he knew how the Doctor had felt earlier. The owner of the question stepped into his sightline and gave him a small smile._

_"You shouldn't be here."_

A/N: Ooo What's the Doctor done and where is he? And is the TARDIS really dying?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: As it's bank holiday and not alot happened in the first chapter have chapter 2 as well. where they finally find the Doctor.

* * *

Chapter 2

Jack peered out of the TARDIS doors. "Well this can't be right."

"That's the British Library," Martha pointed out.

He frowned and darted back to the TARDIS control panel. "Well, she says this is where we're meant to be. I guess we go and investigate."

"We don't even know what we're supposed to be looking for."

"Well my first guess would be the Doctor," Jack told her, pulling the TARDIS doors closed behind him.

A familiar voice drifted to Jack's ear as they entered the reading room. It was hushed but there was no mistaking it.

"No, that's not a problem. Nope, none at all. Yes…….yes. Oh right, no that's fine too. Absolutely. Yes, fantastic. See you then."

Jack nudged Martha and nodded to the desk. It took her a moment to place the face, her brain struggling to remember his name as the man put the receiver of the phone down and disappeared behind the stacks.

He wasn't wearing his usual pin striped suit he was just in shirt sleeves and casual trousers. He was however wearing his Chucks, black and white ones. Jack smiled and followed.

"Old habits die hard, huh Doc?" Jack hissed into the man's ear. He watched as the man stiffened slightly and noticed the grey hairs on the back of his head. For a moment he wondered if he'd got the wrong man.

"Can I help you with something, Sir?" the librarian replied, not turning round to face them.

"Yeah, you can start by explaining why your ship is out there dying for a start."

The man turned at this and for a moment Jack was dumbstruck.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I suggest you disappear back to whichever pub you crawled out of instead of wasting my time with foolish games." Snapping shut the book he was holding, the man pushed past Jack and Martha, not sparing a glance at either of them.

Jack watched his retreating back still not sure what he was going to say or do next. He'd never seen the Doctor look so old. The crinkles round his eyes were deeper than ever, his hair was graying dramatically at the sides, his skin was ashen and his eyes were dark and hollow. The usual spark seeming long since dead.

XxXxX

The Doctor walked as fast as his legs would allow before he broke into a run heading for the locker room.

Slamming the door shut behind him he felt his hearts pound painfully in his chest. How had they found him? He thought the power dump he'd done on the TARDIS would disable her enough to stop anyone tampering. Now it seems not only did Jack get inside but he used the ship to find him.

Grabbing his jacket from the rack and his bag from the locker he headed for the back doors. Sneaking out would be the only way to lose them.

"You off John?"

The voice made him jump. "Oh, hi, yeah, sorry not feeling too good."

"You look a bit peaky. Actually if I'm honest you look like death warmed up. Go on, get off with you, I'll let Alan know."

"Thanks James." He nodded and left his workmate, heading for home and a stiff drink.

XxXxX

"So what now?!" Martha asked as they trudged back to the TARDIS.

"We find him again and keep finding him 'til he talks to us."

"What if he doesn't recognize us? I mean I'm having trouble keeping my wits about me what if he is too?"

"Oh he knows us alright."

As he turned the key in the lock the TARDIS was beeping for attention again.

"Looks like we're running out of time. We need to get to Canary Wharf."

"Why?"

"History is repeating, only this time it's doing it in reverse."

XxXxX

The Doctor slumped down on the sofa and stared at the blank t.v. He'd had four or five shots of whiskey as far as he could actually remember and was feeling rather tipsy. Normally when he was in this mood he'd drink himself into a stupor and fall asleep, tonight however was a different matter because his brain wouldn't shut down.

Why did Jack and Martha have to turn up? Why couldn't the universe just let him be?

Switching on the television he channel surfed until something caught his eye. The news was in full swing and there was a mass panic over at Canary Wharf, explosions coming from inside.

"Maybe someone's doing the world a favour and blowing it up!" he muttered, taking another swig from his glass and changing the channel.

XxXxX

"The Doctor solved all this, he fixed it. This is insane," Jack complained staring at the wall in front of him.

"You're telling me. Where is he anyway?"

Jack froze, almost not daring to turn round. Now he knew how the Doctor had felt earlier. The owner of the question stepped into his sightline and gave him a small smile.

"You shouldn't be here."

She opened her mouth to speak but another shrilly voice cut her off.

"It's him isn't it? We're here because of that bloody alien. I swear to god when I see him I am going to slap into the next century!"

She looked around her, fear plain in her face. "It's like time is reversing. Which means if it's brought me and…. Oh god, Jack. The Daleks and Cybermen. They went in before me. If mum's here….."

"No sign of them yet. If they're in the void then whatever's causing all this will have a harder time catching hold of them but unless we can stop this they will return and we're done for."

"Where's the Doctor. Why isn't he fixing this?"

Jack ground his teeth not sure on what to say. "Grab your mother; you both better come with us."

"Oh," Rose breathed as she stepped into the TARDIS. Her eyes began to sting with tears as she felt the sadness radiating from the walls.

"She's dying," Jack told her softly.

Rose nodded. "Her and the Doctor were always connected, when one was ill the other felt it. Without him part of her is missing. Jack we have to find him. If she's dying then…."

"That was my thought."

"What was? And who are you?" Martha asked impatiently not liking the feeling of being left out.

"Rose Tyler, meet Martha Jones, another friend of the Doctor's. Oh and Martha is beginning to forget him every now and then so be patient."

"Forget? How?"

"We don't know. It's like he's getting wiped from everything. Gwen at Torchwood didn't even remember me talking about him; the computers have lost all my files on him. It's like he's being erased."

"You better tell me everything."

So they did. Martha told her as much as she could remember and Jack noted how more and more distant she seemed, forgetting names and places, struggling even to remember the words 'the Doctor'.

"So why is Martha forgetting stuff and we're not?" Rose asked, keeping an eye on the Doctor's newest friend.

The girls were eyeing each other up and Jack knew it. He didn't want to referee a catfight, well that wasn't strictly true; he just didn't want to have to do it now.

"I have no idea, the only thing my brain comes up with is that it has something to do with the time vortex. Speaking of which, I've got the TARDIS trying to track the Doctor now. When we find him it might be best if I go in alone, don't want him to thing we're ganging up on him."

Rose simply nodded.

"So where did he find you?" Jackie asked Martha.

"I….." Martha looked blank.

"On the moon," Jack filled in. "She's a med student and her hospital got transported there. The Doctor just happened to be in there looking for trouble."

"There's a surprise." Rose rolled her eyes, wandering around the control room, her gaze flicking to the corridor that led to what was once her bedroom.

"It's still there," Jack told her softly. "Well it was when I was here a few weeks ago."

"What is?"

"You're room."

"Oh," Rose bit her lip.

"Go and look."

"No, it's okay. No point in dragging up the past anymore than necessary."

The TARDIS shook and they knew they were on the move.

"What are we going to do about mum?"

"You and she are going to stay hidden for the moment, Martha too. If by some miracle I can get him to agree to even set foot in here, seeing you before he's settled could make him run."

"You've seen him already and he wouldn't help," Rose surmised.

"Not quite. I have seen him but I didn't get to tell him what was happening. He sort of ran off."

"Ran off?" Jackie piped up. "Does he have any idea what's going on here?"

"I doubt it. He's….. gone domestic."

Rose almost choked. "He's what?"

"He got a job working in the British Library. When I approached him he feigned not knowing either of us and hightailed it out of there."

"What's happened to him?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't know but I'm going to find out."

XxXxX

The Doctor rolled off the sofa and staggered to the front door.

"Okay, okay," he slurred as the pounding continued. Reaching for the latch he hesitated for a moment then shook the doubt away.

He wished he'd listened to his instincts as a familiar but blurry form shoved him back into the flat, slamming the door behind him.

"Now listen. We don't have much time but we need you," Jack told him simply.

"Don't care." The Doctor was almost paralytic, his hands waving about as he tried in vain to walk in a straight line to the sofa

"Yes you do. You can't not care."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because I know you. And I know you would never let anything happen to this universe."

"Yeah well things change."

"Not you, well apart from the whole switching bodies thing."

"I don't do that anymore," he hiccupped.

"What happened to you?" Jack sat on the coffee table in front of his friend.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you pity me. I don't want it and don't need it. What I need is to be left alone."

"I didn't know you could get drunk."

"I can if I allow myself to. I can also sober up when I want to." The Doctor stood to his full height towering over the seated Jack as if to make his point.

"Good, 'cause if you're sober you can listen to what I have to say."

"NO! I'm sick of listening to this planet. I'm sick of hearing it. You want help? Help your bloody selves! I get nothing out if it."

"Since when did that matter?"

"Since I realized that if the rest of this bloody stupid universe was going to be selfish and look out for number one then so am I! When do I ever get anything for saving you lot? The warm and fuzzies wear off after a while. I've lost everything I care about protecting this universe, my planet, family, friends, well not any more. Find yourselves another mug."

Jack saw the sadness behind the rage. "You don't mean that," he said softly, finally standing eye to eye with the Doctor. "What about Martha? What about Rose?"

"Don't you dare," the Time Lord growled. "Don't you even think about it!"

"Think about what, telling you how disappointed she'd be in you? Telling you that she'd be screaming at you right now, telling you how her Doctor would never let the planet down? How the man she loves would never ever be such a coward?"

Jack saw the tears welling up in the Doctor's furious eyes, and the fist clench ready to punch. He stopped it as it flew to his jaw.

"So that's it. You've thrown in the towel because of her."

"What's the point Jack? I can't bring her back home. I've tried, Rassilion knows I've tried. I've tried moving on with my life, keeping busy and I was doing fine until you came back."

"Me?"

"Yes you! With your incessant chattering about all the things you and Rose used to do while I was busy under the panel. The jokes you shared, the fun we all had. You just reminded me of everything I was missing. The one person in the world who actually understood me and didn't care what I was or what I'd done. She made her choice to stay and it was ripped from her. How is that fair? That girl risked everything being a hero and they took it from her."

"Why didn't you talk to me about this? I was there, I know her I could've…"

"What? Done the 'there there's', the 'I know it's hard but you'll get by'?"

"I could've been your friend."

"I had a friend, it didn't help."

"Martha? Well no offence 'cause she's a lovely girl and all but she has a major crush on you. A _friend_ friend she is not. And trust me, you in this state really doesn't make me wana jump your bones. When was the last time you shaved?" Jack asked, noticing the thick five o'clock shadow on his face.

The Doctor shrugged, "a few days ago. Don't know. You're not going to leave me alone are you?"

"Not 'til you at least hear me out."

"Two minutes," the Doctor told him, folding his arms across his chest.

"Okay, one I've been trying to get hold of you for days! Then Martha turns up and says you're 'done'. We find the TARDIS which is dying incase you actually care oh and time is running backwards."

The last part caught his attention. "Running backwards?"

"Yeah, people are beginning to forget you and things you've done to make the planet safe are undoing themselves."

"People forgetting me is normal…"

"How is it normal? No one ever forgets you."

"They do when I make sure of it. Tell me about the whole running backwards part."

Jack picked up the remote control and flicked through the television channels until he landed on the news.

"There, Canary Wharf. Everything that got sucked into the void is being spat back out. It's all seeping back into the universe Doc and we don't know how to stop it."

The Doctor's eyes flicked from the television screen to Jack and back again.

Then it hit him and his eyes widened in realization.

"What?" Jack asked cautiously.

"Oh Rassilion. She hasn't wiped me from memory she's wiping me from the timeline. The events were meant to stand only with me a whisper of an existence. But she's wiping me from the timeline and everything's crumbling from the top down. The TARDIS is actually killing me."

XxXxX

* * *

_Next Time:_

_Jack was at his side at an instant, pushing him back onto the seat. "Doctor please? Fix this. Fix all of it. Be you again, you can't survive like this."_

_"I thought we'd already established I'm not surviving anything. That wasn't part of the deal. I fix you lot one last time then I'm gone."_

_"And what about me? What am I supposed to do? I can't die and knowing you were there somewhere makes that easier. Sod the planet, I need you. Do I mean that little to you?"_

A/N: Things aren't looking good huh folks?! Please review!

"Catch ya on the flip flop!"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay another quick update as it's a bank holiday and I have nothing else to do.

So the Doctor is dying huh? That can;t be good in anyone's book...can it?

* * *

Chapter 3

"What?"

"I didn't understand how I went so grey so quickly. I'm actually dying." The Doctor began to chuckle.

"And this is a good thing?"

"It is for me, I get to die. I get to end my curse the old fashioned way with no regeneration."

"Doc, how do we stop it?"

"What makes you think I want to?"

"Doc, please. People are going to die if you don't help us fix this."

"Except I won't be helping will I? I'll be doing it all for you because human's never help themselves."

"Look, this isn't something they've done to themselves. This is invasion. One that you stopped and by the sounds of things, you restarted. I can't make you want to help us but at least fix your mess before you give up on them completely."

The Doctor stared at him for a moment and Jack shifted uncomfortably. Once Jack would have been able to read him, know what he was thinking but now his face was blank and hard.

"I'll fix the problem. I'll make sure everything stands as it should. No more."

XxXxX

Jack strode into the TARDIS and breathed a sigh of relief that Rose, Jackie and Martha had made themselves scarce.

"Right," the Doctor sighed moving over to the control panel. He sounded out of breath and Jack watched him closely as he sat heavily on the jump seat.

"You okay?"

"How you creatures survive with just the one heart I will never know."

Jack frowned. "What are you talking about?"

The Doctor looked at him and put a hand to one side of his chest, then the other and nodded. "One of them has given up. Right," he hauled himself from the seat and over to the keyboard.

"Doc, don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Give up." Jack knew he was practically begging him and he didn't care.

"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't."

"If you dislike this planet so much why settle here?"

"Because I can't settle anywhere else. I've been conditioned by this lot over the centuries and now I can't live any other way." He bent almost double as a pain shot through his chest.

Jack was at his side at an instant, pushing him back onto the seat. "Doctor please? Fix this. Fix all of it. Be you again, you can't survive like this."

"I thought we'd already established I'm not surviving anything. That wasn't part of the deal. I fix you lot one last time then I'm gone."

"And what about me? What am I supposed to do? I can't die and knowing you were there somewhere made that easier. Sod the planet, _I _need you. Do I mean that little to you?"

"You've never needed me Jack. All I did was point you in the right direction."

"And what about me?" Rose's voice drifted from the doorway.

Jack watched the Doctor tense then squeeze his eyes shut as another pain wracked through him. "Should've known you'd be in the mix somewhere." He stood again and stepped towards the monitor, tapping away at the keyboard.

Rose stepped further into the control room, circling the control panel to look at him. She almost cried out as she saw his face. "What's happening to you?"

"I'm getting old Rose."

"But you can stop it, why wont you?"

"Why should I? So I can live for centuries on my own saving one ungrateful planet after another? I can't do it anymore Rose. So let's get you home."

"Oh so now he makes an appearance!" Jackie's voice cut the atmosphere but the Doctor didn't react.

"Hello Jackie. Don't worry, you're not staying."

She strode over to him and slapped him harder than ever causing every one in the room to wince. Everyone except the Doctor. He didn't even flinch, he just stared at her with his cold hollow eyes and it unnerved her. She was almost frightened by him, by the emptiness that had replaced the man her daughter loved. She found herself torn between reaching out to hug him and running a mile in the opposite direction.

"What did you do this time?" she said finally as he turned his attention back to the monitor.

"Nothing, it's just a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding he says! One that's ripped me and my girl from our family. You couldn't just let things be could you?"

"I said I'm sending you back," he growled, feeling his chest tighten again.

"Doc, calm down. You're going to make it worse," Jack warned him.

"You better send us back. I was happy there. I had my husband and a new baby until you ripped my life away from me again."

"See, this is what I hate about humans," he turned to Jack. "Always thinking about themselves, never mind how circumstances affect anyone else. Me, me, me." He turned back to Jackie, fixing his gaze on her. "You're not the only ones in the universe!" Hitting a button on the control panel he moved towards the door, not daring to look at Rose as he passed her.

"Doctor, wait," Rose called.

He paused in his tracks and leant heavily against the door. He felt her hand on his arm.

"Don't touch me," he growled and she snapped her hand back. "I'm sorry you ended up back here. You'll be home soon." His voice was softer now, more like her Doctor but then he cried out a fell to the floor.

"What's happening to him?" Jackie asked, rushing to her daughter's side.

"He's dying, just like the TARDIS," Jack told her, checking the Doctor's pulse. "I need to get him to the medi-bay."

"What about those aliens that are supposed to follow us through?" Jackie asked.

"We can't do anything without him, we'll have to disappear and re-land in time to stop them."

XxXxX

"How are you feeling?" Rose asked the Doctor as he began to stir.

Her face swam into view as his eyes focused and he groaned sitting up. "You still here?"

"Anybody would think you weren't pleased to see me."

He rolled his eyes and pulled on the oxygen mask.

"Oh no, Jack says that stays on."

"Stop fussing. I'm getting old that's all." He pulled the mask off his face.

"And dying," her voice cracked and the Doctor looked up into her face. "Why are you doing this?"

"Rose I've been around for almost an entire millennium. It gets old and tiring. I've had enough."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "So you're going to let the TARDIS kill you and leave me and Jack on our own?"

"You're going home."

"No I'm not. This is my home but if you're sending me back to the other universe then don't let me go thinking of you dying."

"Once that might have worked but you won't be here to be upset by it."

"Not upset?! You really think that little of me? Knowing that you're letting yourself die is killing me too! The only reason I kept living my life is because I knew you'd want me to. Every time I thought 'to hell with it all' all I could hear was your voice in my head telling me to keep moving. But if you're going to give up then everything we've done, together or apart has been pointless. I used to think you were something special, I was wrong. You're nothing but a coward just like humans."

The Doctor clenched his jaw. "You're wrong," he growled. "You think you have all the answers but you don't. You haven't been here; you don't know what I've been through, alone. So don't you dare judge me!"

"You weren't alone though. You had Martha."

"You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel alone Rose." He turned on his heel and stalked stiffly out of the door.

Rose watched helplessly as he walked away from her. She had to get him to talk to her, had to convince him that he was making a huge mistake. She started after him and found him just a few feet away from the door, banging his head against the wall repeatedly.

"You're going to regret that," she told him.

"Just another to add to the list then," he muttered.

"So how come Martha and the others can forget you but me and Jack can't?"

He rolled his head to look at her. She'd let her hair grow slightly and she was wearing less makeup but she'd hardly changed other than that.

"I'm imprinted in your brains so it'll take the TARDIS longer to delete me."

"Let me guess, the imprint is down to the time vortex right?"

"Yeah," he sighed and slid down the wall to sit on the floor of the corridor.

"Why weren't you surprised to see me?"

"If everything I've done in unravelling then it stands to reason you'd be brought back here. That or the universe has a sick sense of humour."

"I'd say it's a bit of both."

They sat in silence for a moment.

The Doctor's face told her nothing of the turmoil going on inside him. Did he tell her? Would she still want to know when she couldn't stay? Was it fair?

"I've missed you," she said finally, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Have you?"

"Of course!" She snapped her head up to look at him and saw uncertainty there. She almost breathed a sigh of relief when his eyes softened. "I told you I love you and that hasn't changed. Nothing is the same without you."

The Doctor pursed his lips and his eyes shone. "Ditto."

"So, this is what you'll look like as an old man."

"I _am_ an old man," he sighed.

"Not to me. You're the Doctor and this isn't you. Please, just stop it."

"What's the point? What's the point in having all of time and space at my fingertips if I can't enjoy any of it?"

"So you're going to commit suicide instead?"

"I'm aging Rose, that's all."

"A million times quicker than anyone else. If I stayed would it make a difference?"

"That's not fair."

"Just tell me. Would it make a difference if I was here?"

"You must know it would. But you can't stay. I have to put the timelines right which means you and your mother must go back. It isn't even a choice."

Rose nodded before leaning over and kissing him. "I know," she whispered pressing another kiss to his lips.

"Rose, stop," he whispered back.

"Why? It's not like it's going to change our relationship. Just once I want to kiss you without it being because one of us nearly died or because someone else has control over my body." She saw his eyes softening even more, almost returning to the colour of warm chocolate that she loved so much and it gave her a glimmer of hope that she might be able to win him round. Carefully she reached up to cup his cheek, giving him a chance to back away.

He didn't, he closed his eyes and leant into her palm, reveling in the feel of her warm skin against his.

Leaning towards him Rose touched her lips to his again lightly and waited for him to make his decision. It crossed her mind he might pull away, that she'd taken it too far but relief coursed through her as she felt his arms wrap around her and pull her closer, he was returning the kiss.

XxXxX

* * *

A/N: Oh dear. Now the Doctor's really in a pickle. What will he choose? Will there be any point in going back to normal if he can't have her?

Please review folks. I know there are people reading out there so please let me know what you think... it's the little purplely-blue button down the bottom. It makes me happy and write faster!

"Catch ya on the flip flop!"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm feeling generous caus I wrote so much this afternoon. (I love going to work sometimes! there;s nothing else to do but write! lol)Quick recap, Doctor's dying and now smooching Rose. Hmm can we really see this being a good idea?

* * *

Chapter 4

What was he doing? This was just going to make matters worse. He knew he had to re-do everything and that meant sending her back too, how was he ever supposed to let her go now?

After a moment of indulgence he pulled back, shaking his head. "Rose, just stop." Shakily he got to his feet and stepped away, not daring to look at her.

"Why?"

"Because sending you back is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Please, don't make it any harder."

"Do you love me Doctor?"

He looked at her with sad eyes. "You know I do."

"No I mean _really_ love me."

"More than life itself," he whispered turning away and walking back to the control room.

Rose sat on the cold floor watching him disappear from view. She'd waited so long to hear it and now she had. An admission of love from a dying man's lips. She squeezed her eyes shut as a cry threatened to break through. The Doctor had been right, the kiss had made things far harder than she ever thought possible but she couldn't give up now. This universe needed him and so did she. Knowing that he was alive gave her hope that one day she would be able to come home, it gave her something to work for, no matter how long it took and she could not let him give up now.

XxXxX

Jack looked up as he heard footsteps enter the control room.

"Feeling better?"

The Doctor just grunted. "Where's Martha?"

"Had to sedate her and Jackie. They've both forgotten you and this place. It was too dangerous and distressing to let them carry on as they were."

The Doctor nodded staring at his control panel.

"Miss it?"

The man looked up at him, his hollow eyes warmer than they were and even more sad than Jack thought possible. At least there was an emotion other than anger and something lurking in the depths that was better than the darkness he'd seen not long ago. "I miss a lot of things Jack."

"The use of two hearts being one of them huh?" he referred to the Doctor's earlier collapse.

"Just have to get used to it. Everything takes time."

"Except your ageing process apparently. You look older now than when I first saw less than a few hours ago."

"Better get a move on then. I don't want to croak before I set the universe straight again do I? Only major problem is getting Jackie and Rose back where they belong."

"Back to where they now live," Jack corrected.

"Let's not split hairs. Last time Jackie and Rose jumped through the void using a transporter; unfortunately I only have the one Rose used to jump back and they can only really take one at a time safely. I'm going to have to jump through and tell Pete what to do."

"Oh well lets hope they can remember enough about you to trust you." Jack rolled his eyes.

"Sarcasm isn't going to help Captain."

"And neither is your stubbornness and stupidity!" He hadn't meant to yell he really hadn't.

"Come on; get it off your chest so we can move on." The Doctor leant against the control panel, arms folded across his chest looking even more stubborn if it was possible.

"You really want it? Fine. You're being an ass! How do you think Rose feels seeing someone she loves killing himself and knowing that she's leaving him to die? And me, I can't die, I don't have that luxury and here's you with all the opportunities in time and space and you're just letting it all slip through your fingers because you'd rather wallow in self pity. Is it really worth giving everything up for? What if you found a way to get her back? What if she found a way back here?"

"There is no way back, remember, I've tried everything, looked everywhere."

"In this universe yes, how do you know what they've got in Rose's? You don't, you're just accepting defeat!"

"You finished?"

"You really can be just as arrogant and stubborn as your past self," Jack growled.

"It's called being realistic. I'm off to see a man about a transporter."

"You gona make it?"

"Careful Jack. That almost sounded like you were concerned about _me_."

XxXxX

Jack stalked through the corridors looking for something to punch when he found Rose sat in what used to be her bedroom. "Hey."

"You look how I feel." She smiled as he stepped through the doors.

"I swear to god I am actually going to hit him, beat him to a pulp! No scratch that I'll do him a favour and kill him myself!"

"Jack,"

"I mean it Rose. I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's like he's _trying_ to piss me off."

"He is," she said simply. "He's hurt, Jack and he's lost and he's pushing everyone away because he thinks it's easier. And it's my fault."

"How is it your fault?"

"Because I didn't hold on to that lever. If I'd just held on a few seconds longer I'd still be here and none of this would be happening."

"Rose, he's doing this because it's the easy way out."

"Don't you see though? It's not. Not for him. He could run, he could keep running and keep replacing me over and over but he wont anymore. Now he's doing the one thing he'd never had any intention of doing no matter how bad things got, the thing that scared him almost as much as being alone. He's settled, got himself somewhere to live and a job. He got himself a normal life. That's not easy for someone like him. It's not how he was wired. No, this is my fault and he's punishing himself because he thinks he brought us here."

"He did. By accident but he did."

"I think some of this may be down to me." She bit her lip as she looked at the Time Agent.

XxXxX

Taking a deep breath the Doctor stepped into the familiar white room of Canary Wharf. The one that haunted his dreams and memories, the one where his world fell apart again.

Looping the transporter round his neck the Doctor pressed the button.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Pete Tyler's voice demanded from behind him.

"I'm here to bring you your family back. They're my universe and they shouldn't be. All I need is to borrow another transporter."

"Wait a second; are you trying to tell me that you're actually trying to bring them back?"

"Still sharp as a tack I see," the Doctor sniffed looking around him.

"Doctor?" Mickey appeared from the doors. "Is that you?"

"Who else were you expecting, Donald Duck?"

"Well I wasn't sure at first but only you could give cheek to Pete and get away with it. You look different."

"Seems to be a popular opinion. So this second transporter?"

Pete nodded, eyeing the Doctor warily before leaving the two men.

"Doctor what's going on? We've been getting some really weird readings."

"There's been a bit of a mix up Mickey, that's all."

"So why are you bringing Rose back?"

"Because I have to. I have to redo everything that's being undone. And that means bringing Rose and Jackie back." There was no emotion in the Doctor's voice and Mickey stared at him.

"Just like that? No trying to get Rose to stay with you? No way of doing it right this time?"

"Nope."

"Have you gone completely mad? She loves you, you moron. She wants to be with you not stuck here. She's been working for months to find a way back to you and you're gona let her get sucked back here anyway? Does she mean that little to you?"

"Mickey, I'm too old for this," he moaned pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You're telling me! Look at the state of you? How long has it been since we last saw you? A couple of Millenniums?"

"A year."

"A year? You've aged that much on a year?"

"I hadn't planned on it; it's all a bit of a mistake really. Just like Rose and Jackie being stuck with me. Like I said, I'm setting it right."

"There's something you're not telling me."

"Nothing you need to worry about. Just do me a favour?"

"Sure," the boy nodded, stepping towards the Doctor.

"When Rose gets back and the void is closed, and I mean completely closed…. Tell her I love her."

"Tell her yourself."

The Doctor shook his head. "That'll just make things harder. Just make sure she knows I actually said it."

"Ok." Mickey didn't like the look of any of this. The Doctor didn't look right and it wasn't just the fact he'd aged there was something different about him, about the person inside. It made him wonder if he was the real deal.

The Doctor clutched at his chest and squeezed his eyes shut, drawing in a deep, grating breath that made him bend over.

"Doctor?" Mickey reached out to steady him.

"It's okay Mickey. I'll be alright in a minute."

"Maybe I should come back with you, help set everything right."

"Everything's under control Mickey," he told the boy, forcing his body upright.

"Yeah, it looks it. You look like you're about to kick it any minute, I'm not even sure you'll make it back through the void. Let me help."

"And what do you do if you forget me while you're there?"

"We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"Here." Pete appeared holding out another transporter. "You better make sure they come back."

"Even if it costs me my life," the Doctor promised.

"I'm going with him. I'll make sure we all get back Pete." Mickey nodded pressed the button on his transporter.

XxXxX

Jack and Rose looked up as the TARDIS doors burst open, Mickey stumbled through pulling the Doctor behind him.

"Mickey?" Rose jumped up from the jump seat and ran to her friend.

"A hand might be nice," he puffed, as the Doctor leant on the railings.

"Said I should've gone," Jack said.

"Not now Jack," Rose snapped grabbing the Doctor's arm. "Doctor this is crazy, how are you supposed to close that hole if you can barely stand?"

The Doctor slid to the floor, eyes clenched.

"What's going on with him?" Mickey asked, watching the Doctor bat Rose's hand away as she tried to smooth the hair from his forehead.

"He's being a dick. That's what," Jack huffed shaking his head and leaving the control room before he started yelling at the alien again.

Mickey looked into Rose's eyes and saw her heart breaking all over again.

"He's dying Mickey."

XxXxX

Jack flopped down on the sofa, burying his head in his hands, pressing the heels of his hands roughly into his eyes as he tried to regain his composure. He needed the Doctor. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed the Doctor more than he'd ever needed anyone. The Doctor had changed his life in so many ways. He'd made him a better person and he couldn't bear to lose him.

XxXxX

* * *

A/N: Oh dear oh dear. Everyone needs the Doctor but what about the poor Doctor? What does he get? Shouted at mainly! lol 

So anyway. have one of my famous next times and Coming soons!

_Next time:_

_"You know, if I wasn't so scared of you I'd punch you right about now."_

_"Oh go ahead, why not? Last chance and all that."_

_"I won't because I know Rose would slap me for it. Look I know you're sad and lonely and you've got the whole brooding git down to a fine art now but do you have to hurt Rose so much? Ever since she's been in that universe she's been trying to find her way back and when she finally gets here she finds this," he waved his hand at the Doctor. "Not exactly the stuff of fairytales is it?"_

_Coming soon:_

_The Doctor found himself screaming. Frustration and loss consuming him. It would be so easy to let go and get sucked into the void. A place of nothingness where no one could touch him or hurt him again. Somewhere no one could follow with a hope of finding him. He wondered what it would be like to just let go _

So anyway, please review! pretty please with cherries on top?

"Catch ya on the flip flop!"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay so the word on the street is Freema quit this morning! How out of the blue is that?! Still waiting for the beeb to confirm or deny although it's not looking good for Freema fans as they're usually pretty quick off the mark to deny such rumours and so far all they've said in 'no comment'. David however is signed for the whole season 4. Hmmm Poor Freema. Oh well, time to move on.

Thanks for all the reviews folks. Glad you're enjoying it or if not that your morbid curiosity isn't letting you ignore it. will he die/let himself die?

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Chapter 5

After listening to Rose's explanation Mickey had a few choice words for the Doctor, none of which were very flattering.

"Will you all just shut up?! This is my existence not yours. You're not even going to be a part of it for much longer!" He looked up at his friends and sighed. Seeing the mix of annoyance and sadness in Mickey's face and the unhidden distress in Rose's he made a decision. "I'll slow it down the process just enough to make sure I actually survive long enough to see you all home. But that's it." Heaving himself from the floor he headed back to the medi-bay, Rose and Mickey following close behind.

"The TARDIS seems smaller," Mickey observed.

"She's closing down, so all unnecessary rooms are being taken away," the Doctor explained.

"Okay so why does Mickey remember you but mum and Martha don't?" Rose asked, trying not to reach out to hold the Doctor's hand.

"Because he hasn't been in this universe long enough. Give him another half hour or so and he'll start forgetting. Pete on the other hand will remain unaffected because the TARDIS can't control what happens in the other universe. Any memories of me will remain." He began flicking switches and turning dials on a panel in the medi-bay.

"Including mine?"

"Nope, the TARDIS is already working on you. The little imprint in your brain will start to fade eventually. So will Jack's leaving nothing but a shadow." Pressing his hand to one of the panels the Doctor flicked one last switched and gritted his teeth against the pain he knew would follow.

"But I don't want it to! I don't want to forget everything! Can't you see that you're not just punishing the universe, you're punishing me and Jack too? Don't you care about either of us at all?"

"Rose, now isn't a good time," the Doctor ground out.

His hair was beginning to look brown again apart from at his temples, the lines in his face less pronounced and as he took his hand away he seemed to stand a little taller. "You were saying?" he panted, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Well do you? Care about either of us?"

"You know I do but it'll only hurt for a little while. Isn't that better than spending your life pining for the things you can't have?"

"No, no it's not because when I'm upset or lonely I can look back at those memories and remember what I had, even for a little while. Please don't take that away from me." Her voice grew weak and her eyes stung again as she looked up at the man she'd loved for so long. He looked more like his old self now and it made things worse but his eyes were back to being dark and hollow. He was putting up walls against her again and she despaired. So she did the only thing that came to mind, she slapped him hard and stormed out of the room.

"Well that went better than it could've," the Doctor sighed.

"You know, if I wasn't so scared of you I'd punch you right about now."

"Oh go ahead, why not? Last chance and all that."

"I won't because I know Rose would slap me for it. Look I know you're sad and lonely and you've got the whole brooding git down to a fine art now but do you have to hurt Rose so much? Ever since she's been in that universe she's been dreaming of coming back and when she finally gets here she finds this," he waved his hand at the Doctor. "Not exactly the stuff of fairytales is it?"

"Fairytales aren't real Mick, never have been. We don't all get a happy ending."

"God, you could make Eeyore look like he's on happy pills!" Mickey grumbled. "You know, I used to think you were something special, Rose convinced me of that, and believe it or not I kinda liked you and was jealous of you, but now? I wouldn't be you for anything, I couldn't live being this depressed and I couldn't throw it all away when the answer is so simple."

"What is the answer, oh great wise and powerful Mickey?"

"Don't send her back you moron! That one's obvious even to me! You have the chance to do it the way she wanted to do it, they way you and her wanted it to end."

"You and she," the Doctor corrected.

"What?"

"It's 'you and she wanted it to end' and I can't Mickey, don't you think that I would if I could? Don't you think that I would keep her here if it would work? One: everything has to have the exact same outcome as it did before or we'll end up with a paradox, don't ask me to explain it I'm too tired. And two; I can't spend the rest of my life with her. She'll get old and die, I won't."

"Para-whatever's aside, you could do what you're doing now, this whole growing old thing, with her!"

"She doesn't want that! She never did. She wants the excitement of seeing new things, doing things no human has ever done. She can't do that forever."

"She couldn't do it forever in the first place so what's changed?"

"There's no one to go home to now. She'll be alone in the universe and that's a terrible thing to cope with."

"She'll be too old to care! Don't you think she feels alone? Do you know how hard it's been to get her to be even remotely interested in anything in our universe? She's surrounded by family; she's even got a dad and a baby brother. She's got me and Jackie and everyone loves her at work. She couldn't wish for a better life except she does. Because as far as she's concerned _you _are a better life. You trump everything she could ever hope to imagine back there. Don't kill that too," Mickey turned on his heel and went to find Rose.

Turning his face up to the ceiling the Doctor hissed at himself. The boy was right, as much as he hated to say it; Mickey the Idiot was right and not so much the idiot anymore. But as right as the boy was it didn't change the fact that she couldn't stay. The 'para-whatever's' as Mickey put it still hovered like a murderous shadow

"So do the one thing you can, give her a memory of a non-dying Doctor." Jack's voice came from the doorway.

"How did you…?"

"Talking out loud to yourself again Doc. Gets a man into trouble. Tell her you don't want to do any of this."

"She knows."

"Then tell her again!" Jack shouted moving to stand in front of the Time Lord. "She's in her room and she's crying over you. Don't break her heart anymore."

The Doctor rubbed his face with his hands. "I must be getting soft in my old age."

"No, Doc. It's called loving someone. Just do us all a favour? Lose the barriers; you look like a cold heartless drone. Don't get me wrong, we all know you're not, just sometimes looking at you it's hard to remember."

"This isn't getting them home."

"So, you have a Time Machine, you can make the time up. Fixing what you broke is far more important than time hopping."

"Says the man who was desperate for me to fix the other thing I got wrong."

"Hey, I still am, but we can jump back and fix that. You can't fix Rose that way." He stared at the Doctor until he nodded. "Undo the dying bit first, then go talk to Rose, then we send her and mother dear back."

"Doesn't mean I'm going to go back to the way things were. I've still had enough Jack."

Jack set his jaw, "She doesn't have to know that though. What you do to yourself when she's gone is up to you. Just give her something to smile about while you still can."

XxXxX

"Rose?"

"What do you want?"

She heard him sigh as he crossed over to her bed. Deliberately keeping her back to him as she held the pillow tight against her chest, she tried to bury her side deeper into the mattress.

"I'm sorry. You're right. You're all right. I'm not good at dealing with these things and you being here…. There's so much I want to say and I can't."

"Why not? Because it'll make things harder? Not possible."

"It's hard talking to the back of someone's head," he tried to lighten the tone of his voice but failed and Rose made no effort to move.

She felt the bed shift as the Doctor got up and she willed herself not to cry, sure that he was walking out of the door. But he surprised her, as he so often used to and sat on the floor in front of her, legs crossed, hands in his lap, looking intently into her eyes. Her breath caught when she looked him over. He looked completely normal again, a little tired and sad but otherwise he looked like her Doctor. His chocolate eyes shimmering in the light of her bedside lamp, his hair as brown and unruly as ever, although the jeans and t-shirt was a new look for him, she missed his suit. His silly, geeky, crumpled brown suit.

"You've changed your clothes," she sniffed.

"Well I'd been in the others since last night."

"You look…..weird."

The Doctor chuckled. "Yeah well, new life, new image. You too by the looks of it."

Rose looked down and realized she was the one wearing the suit now. "Have to wear one for work. That's where I was before I ended up here so…"

"Suits you. No pun intended."

"You made yourself even younger again. I mean compared to how you were a few minutes ago. Does it keep making you younger gradually 'til it reaches its limit?"

"Nope." He took hold of Rose's hand and held it to one side of his chest and then the other. "Two hearts, no waiting." He smiled softly.

"You reversed it?" She tried to keep the hope out of her voice.

"You win," he told her as she launched herself into his arms, knocking him backwards onto the floor.

Jack was right. This was a far better way to spend borrowed time; he wouldn't tell her it was only temporary. Why take that happiness away from her?

She pulled back to look down at him, seemingly unaware of the fact she was lying fully on top of him.

"What changed your mind?"

"Jack, Mickey, you. I hate seeing you sad Rose. I never meant to hurt you, you know that don't you? I would never ever hurt you."

"You did though. Are you still taking my memories away? And Jack's?"

He paused to look at her for a moment, watching her eyes searching his face.

"Not if you don't want me to," he whispered, his voice was failing him.

"I don't. If I can't be with you, I want to remember everything about you." Her fingers trailed through his hair. "How long have we got?"

"Not long. The longer I leave it the harder it'll be to fix."

Rose bit her lip "can't we just all stay here 'til we've had enough of each other and then fix it? We're in a time machine."

He smiled sadly and shook his head.

"Why not?"

"The universe would crumble because I'd never have enough of you Rose Tyler. You're the only person who's ever really understood me. I'm lost without you. I was lost without you before I even met you. If I'd known that you were all it would take to set my little existence right again I'd have found you the minute my planet was gone. Instead I spent years drifting from one disaster to another completely aimless. Then there you were all yellow and pink…"

"Red actually. My top was red."

"So it was. But there you were trusting me but not wanting to at the same time. It was like a light came on and I was fixed."

"And then I killed you."

"Well, you know, fond as I was of those ears I think I might actually prefer this look. People don't stare as much."

"Yeah they do," Rose finally sat up, staring down at him incredulously. "Women do anyway, well actually a few men too, but people still look, just in a more appreciative way."

"I think that was a compliment," he teased.

Rose giggled and her heart swelled as the crinkles round his eyes appeared when he smiled at her, a full cheeky grin that she'd seen so many times she'd lost count.

She sighed, "I don't want to go back."

The Doctor swallowed hard and sat up, nodding. "I know."

"But the longer I leave it the harder it's going to be right?"

"Yep." He moved so he was sat beside her staring at his hands

"Better get ready then."

He nodded wordlessly, afraid that if he tried to speak he'd say 'to hell with the universe let's hide here until it dies completely.' They were safe inside the TARDIS; nothing could get in through those doors if he kept her healthy. Sounded like a perfectly reasonable plan to him. Stay indoors and let the TARDIS float in the Dark Space. Just him, Rose, Jack, Mickey, Martha and Jackie. Then again.

He sighed once more and got to his feet, reaching down to help Rose up. Taking his hand, she held it tightly.

"I do love you Doctor." Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"I know." He looked down at her with all his love and sadness plain to see.

"Please un-do it all. Let everyone remember you, Mum, Martha, Mickey."

"All the 'M's huh? Okay. I suppose this is it. The beginning of the end."

"What do we have to do?"

"I have to send everything back into the void."

"Like we did before?"

He nodded. "Levers and all, history is repeating itself. I'm sorry Rose."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Not one second." She bit her lip as her eyes glassed over, willing her tears not to fall, not yet. She needed to be strong for him. "Life goes on Doctor, not the way we want it to sometimes but it carries on. We just have to find our little ways of coping. Me, I'm never going to stop trying to find a way back here that won't destroy either universe. You need to do what you do, look after this place for me. What's the point in me defending my universe if my other half isn't defending his?"

"Your other half?"

"I wouldn't be who I am without you. I wouldn't be able to do the things I do and wouldn't have seen the things I have if it wasn't for you. A part of me is missing in that world and that part is you, but as long as I know you're still fighting then I know I have a home to come back to one day when I find a way."

There was a long silence as the pair just watched each other.

"Rose Tyler," he rasped finally, willing his voice to co-operate. "You are the most amazing human being I have ever met and I am so very proud to have been part of your life and honoured to have had you in mine. I asked Mickey to give you a message when you get home but it seems pointless now. I never said it before because I figured you'd already know and then I ran out of time. Rose Tyler, I love you more than there are stars in this universe and the next and there will never _ever_ be anyone that even comes close to you. No matter how many people I meet, none will ever be able to replace you in any way."

"Quite right too," she offered him a small smile, his own words coming back to haunt him. "Don't be alone though Doctor? Please. Have a 'someone', a friend to make you smile."

"Someone to stop me you mean?" he asked, remembering what Donna had told him.

"Something like that." A stray tear escaped her, weaving its way down her cheek.

"Don't you start," his voice wavered as tears threatened to spill over his face. Wiping her tears away the Doctor held her face gently in his hands and kissed her softly, stopping her from seeing he was silently crying too.

XxXxX

* * *

A/N: 

that's if for now folks. Quicker you review the quicker I write and update! so let me know what you think. must get back to work now lol. Have a fab day!!!

"Catch ya on the flip flop!"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Well this is it folks. The last chapter, thank you all so much for reviewing. I know it's not my normal type of story so thank you for sticking it out.

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Chapter 6

Jack and Mickey were both hovering outside Rose's room, ready to intervene if they started yelling.

Mickey turned away when he saw they were okay, Jack on the other hand couldn't move. He was rooted to the spot, relieved to see and hear the real Doctor. But nothing shocked him more than seeing the tears that rolled down his cheeks as he pressed a kiss to Rose's lips then buried his face in her shoulder. He knew the Doctor wouldn't cry out loud, or let anyone see him knowingly, but Jack had never seen this side of either of the Doctors. He'd seen the Doctor vulnerable and depressed but never this raw. It made him want to cry too. The only two people in the world that accepted him, saved his life when he didn't deserve it, they never asked questions about who he really was, here they were one disappearing from their lives and the other dying inside. The universe really wasn't fair and it really was no small wonder that after nearly a Millennium of saving it the Doctor had grown weary of doing the right thing.

He couldn't let the Doctor be alone; he couldn't let him end it all. The Doctor had been right earlier, all the arguments they'd had with him were all about how it would affect them when he was gone, how they were hurting that he was killing himself, how they needed him. But it was plain as day now, the Doctor needed them. They were part if the reason he was giving up, letting the TARDIS take his life from him so that he didn't exist. He'd heard the Doctor promise Rose he wouldn't let it all go but if there was one thing Jack knew about the Doctor, it was how unpredictable he could be. He just hoped someone could say or do the right thing and return the favour the Doctor had done them countless times by saving the Doctor's life.

XxXxX

Jack wheeled Jackie into Canary wharf and placed her in the centre of the Ghost Room.

"Well boss, guess this is it. Again," Mickey said, holding out his hand to the Doctor.

He looked at the boy for a moment then pulled him into a hug, slapping him on the back.

"You take care of Rose. Don't let her turn into me," the Doctor whispered.

"Too late for that. She already is you, smartest tool in the shed." Mickey smiled.

"You know what I mean."

"I do, and I won't. I promise. Jack good to see you again."

"You too Mickey."

Jack, Mickey and Rose watched the Doctor crouch beside the unconscious Jackie. "Bye Jackie," he whispered in her ear. "I never got to say it before but thank you, for everything. If it's all going right the TARDIS should have reversed your memories so you will remember me. I just hope you hear me well enough now because as much as I grumbled I really didn't mind being around you that much and I get the feeling you don't hate me as much as you probably should. I promised I would always bring Rose home and although she's not really going home, you're together and that's what counts isn't it?"

"You're a soppy git really aren't you?" Jackie whispered back, cracking an eye open.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough." She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the trolley, taking his hands in hers. "I don't hate you Doctor." she told him, her voice low enough for only him to hear. "You've always done right by my girl. She made her own choice I know that. Doesn't mean I have to like it though does it? Tell you one thing though,"

"What's that?"

"I'm sorry I slapped ya earlier. 'Course I know it's not your fault we're here. Not really anyway. You looked after my girl and you made her happy, who can't love someone for that?" Jackie wrapped her arms round the Doctor and gave him a tight, motherly hug before pulling back, forcing him to look her in the eye. "Be happy Doctor. Remember people love you and care about you. Might forget to say it or show it sometimes but they're out there, willing you on, loving you all the same. Just 'cause you can't see it don't mean it's not real. Me included. I gave you a hard time I know, I wouldn't be a mother if I didn't. And I know I'm not _your_ mum, not old enough to be neither from what you say; don't even think about making a comment I'm being nice here!"

The Doctor smirked and nodded.

"But despite that I love you like one of my own. You and Mickey will always be my boys. Neither of you belong to me but family is what you make it. You don't have to be related to belong. Just remember that."

The Doctor nodded and looked away blinking back his tears. "Goodbye Jackie," he whispered.

"Ah, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again sometime." She smiled as he kissed her cheek.

"I hope for your sake you don't."

"Just don't do anything more stupid than normal and give my girl anymore reasons to cry!" She bit back a laugh as she gave him a light slap on the arm and sniffed back her own tears. "Right then Mickey, lets let this lot say their goodbyes in peace and see what a mess my husbands made of everything."

In the blink of an eye the pair disappeared, leaving Jack, the Doctor and Rose stood in silence. The wind was beginning to pick up now, void debris was whisking around the room.

"Well Rosie, it was lovely to see you," Jack said stepping forward and taking in a bone crunching hug.

"Remember what I said," Rose whispered and Jack nodded, keeping his eye on the Doctor. He was stood typing frantically at one of the computers.

'_Levers operational'_ a voice sounded from over head.

"And look after him."

"Always," Jack promised. He bent down and kissed her like he had on the game station. "Still worth fighting for," he whispered. "Good luck." Jack stepped back. "I'll be just outside Doc."

"All set?" Rose asked turning to the Doctor.

"It's all ready and waiting," he replied quietly.

"Guess this is it then." She looked down at the floor, trying to think of something to say. "Bit like being back on that beach. So much to say but can't think of any of it."

The Doctor tried to smile but couldn't.

A loud bang at the wall made them both jump.

"They'll be here in a minute. They'll break through that void and start shooting and deleting," the Doctor told her.

"No time is ever going to be enough for this," her voice was shaking now and her chest aching.

"I know. You remember what do to?"

"Get the lever up; make sure it's secure only this time instead of hanging on to a clamp I press my big yellow button?"

"That's the one."

"Remind me why I can't stay?"

"Everything has to be as it was. The two points in time are connected. The last time we were here and this time, if they have different endings…."

"Paradox, I get it," she nodded. "You going to be okay?"

"I have to be, don't I? I'm the Doctor."

"Yes you do," she gave him a watery giggle, reaching up to touch his cheek. "At least I can touch you this time."

He nodded and took her hand in his, holding it tightly. "Goodbye Rose Tyler."

"Goodbye Doctor." Throwing her arms around his neck she held him tightly to her not willing to let go just yet.

"Rose, you have to go. They're breaking through," he told her with just as much reluctance to let go as her.

"Okay." She pulled back and looked up at him, mascara running down her face.

One last time the Doctor swooped in and claimed her lips, trying to convey everything he was feeling but he couldn't voice.

When they finally parted Rose saw such love and devotion that she almost screamed.

Wordlessly they separated and crossed to each side of the room.

"Doctor? One more thing?"

He looked round at her as he reached for his lever.

"You once told me that if I wanted to remember you then I had to have a fantastic life,"

"Rose please…"

"No, just shut up and listen! You taught me that you can't just give up, that you have to have the guts to do the right thing, like we are right now. So don't get the TARDIS to let you die once I'm gone. I know you think I won't know but I will. I'll feel it. When we did this last time and it was all over you were stood by the wall weren't you?"

He nodded.

"I felt you." She placed her hand over her heart. "Always will."

The Doctor was speechless. He didn't know what to say, he wanted run across the room and sweep her up in his arms and never let go but he couldn't. Paradoxes were even more dangerous than voids.

"On three," he said finally gripping his lever. "One, two, three."

Rose and the Doctor pulled at the levers and the wind was howling around them. It was an eerie feeling for both of them, knots grew in their stomachs knowing that this second chance wasn't an opportunity to put things right; to have the ending they wanted. This one had to end the same way; with Rose on the other side and an even more heartbroken and lonely Doctor.

'_On'._ The mechanical voice sounded over the speakers and the Doctor reached for his clamp.

Looking over at Rose he saw she was gripping on too, watching him.

"Rose! Go!" he yelled over the roar as the wind sucked on him, getting ready to absorb the void once again into nothingness.

"I love you, remember that okay?" she yelled back.

He nodded and returned the affection, his voice failing on the 'too'.

She sent him her brightest smile, the one that was burnt into his heart and soul before she disappeared.

The Doctor found himself screaming. Frustration and loss consuming him. She was so brave and here was he, the Lord of Time, wanting to let it all slip away. Maybe that was it, Rose was his courage and without her there was nothing left. It would be so easy to let go and get sucked into the void. A place of nothingness where no one could touch him or hurt him again. Somewhere no one could follow with a hope of finding him. He wondered what it would be like to just let go and drift into the darkness he was sure lived here. He could just disappear, no dying, no regeneration either just nothing. He wouldn't feel the turn of the universe and that was fine by him now.

He felt his grip slipping and he closed his eyes letting the universe choose for him when he felt something crush him against the wall, stopping him from going anywhere.

The wind eventually died down and the Doctor looked up to find that Jack had been what had pinned him to the wall.

"Wasn't gona let you get away that easy," he panted, offering a hand to help the Doctor up.

With shaky legs the Doctor walked over to the wall, just as he'd done the last time, all his heartbreak on display.

Only this time he didn't touch the wall feeling Rose's presence. He picked up a fallen chair and with an almighty roar threw it so hard a lump of plaster fell from its impact point.

Jack watched helplessly as the Doctor kept attacking the wall over and over, screaming and yelling, until the chair was irreparable and he had run out of fight.

As the Doctor fell to the floor and buried his head in his hands, he felt Jack put an arm round his shoulders, offering any comfort that he could and the Doctor took it. For the first time since he lost Rose so long ago the Doctor actually cried in front of another being. He clung to Jack like a life line as months of anger and emotion seeped through, sob after sob and all Jack could do was hold him close until he was done.

XxXxX

"So what will you do now?" Jack asked as they walked through the park near the Powell Estate.

"Dunno. Take Martha home first."

"What if she doesn't want to go?" the girl demanded, speaking about her self in the third person, causing Jack to smirk.

"I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it," he squinted in the daylight up at the sky, snorting to himself at the use of Mickey's words.

"Are you really gona stick it out this time?" Jack looked at him.

"I have to, for a while anyway; Rose told me I had to. And if there's one thing I've learnt it's never argue with a Tyler woman," he said, touching his cheek.

"I thought you were going to spit some teeth out when Jackie slapped you!"

"Well, I think she actually may have cracked my jaw." The Doctor moved his jaw from side to side and winced. "Tell ya what that's the hardest she's ever slapped me! Glad Mr. Mickey didn't have a go, probably would have broken it clean in two!"

"Rose's mum slapped you? When did this happen?" Martha asked looking from one man to the other as the three sat on a bench.

"You were sedated. You'd forgotten where you were and had started to get a bit…. Violent and shrilly," Jack told her simply.

"I am not shrilly!"

Jack and the Doctor looked at each other. "Yes you are," they chorused.

"See you're feeling better then." Martha rolled her eyes giving the Doctor a playful nudge, hoping he'd return the gesture but he didn't.

"You are really going to stay alive though aren't you? It wasn't just something you said to make Rose happy," the Time Agent asked.

"Jack," the Doctor warned.

"Well if you're threatening to off yourself then I'm going to have to stick around to stop you so it would be nice to know."

"Yeah and me," Martha told them.

"Nothing's written in this world Jack, and the universe has a really sick sense of humour."

"Well, will you at least put your suit back on? The jeans and t-shirt are just too conventional."

"You just don't want to look like the weird one in your 1940's get up." The Doctor gave the Time Agent a whisper of a smile and Jack grinned in return.

"Oh my, there is a God! He made the Doctor smile!"

"I could've let go in there," the Doctor said quietly.

"I know."

"I would have broken my promise to Rose. Created a paradox too."

"But you didn't," Jack told him in earnest.

"Only because you stopped me."

"That's not true."

"I was thinking about it."

"Thinking about it isn't the same as actually giving in Doctor. Everyone gets the wobbles every now and then. You just have to try and remember you're not alone in the world."

"You know, as much as she drove me nuts I'm actually going to miss Jackie Tyler."

"Where did that come from?"

"She said something similar to you earlier. She said that 'you don't have to be related to belong'. For the first time in centuries I had a family, with a mum who slapped me silly when I was out of line!"

"She's a wise lady."

"Yeah, despite everything else, sometimes she's as wise as the heavens."

"Okay I don't know what that means and I don't suppose it matters but you've got us Doctor," Martha told him, taking his hand.

"I know and I appreciate it, I really do," he withdrew his hand from hers and didn't see the hurt look on her face. "But I've got to do things alone for a while. I have to learn to be me again."

"Well you know where we are," she told him curtly.

"I'm sorry Martha. I can't just flick a switch and be me again. I wasn't even really me when I was with either of you."

"I gathered that. I understand I really do, its just hard going back to a normal life you know, knowing what's out there and not seeing it?"

"Well, I don't know about showing you what's up there but I can show you what's right under your nose," Jack offered. "We're getting more and more creatures and visitors, as time goes on. The planet's so noisy it's like a wild party attracting the drunks and hoods off the street."

"Excuse me, alien here could take offence!" the Doctor called.

"Oh shut up," Jack chided. "So whaddaya say? Fancy trying your hand at our Torchwood? Rosie's made a career of it in her world, and pretty good she is too by all accounts, thanks to her travels in the big blue box."

"I say, you're on!" Martha grinned as the Time Agent flung his arm round her shoulders.

"Better get you two back to your troops then," the Doctor sighed.

As days went it could have been better but it could have been worse. Hard to believe but it could have been. He got to tell Rose everything that was important and that she deserved to hear. He finally got to tell her how much he loved her.

XxXxX

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A/N: All together now...aaaahhhhh. At least he got his chance to say goodbye properly and save the universe yet again.

Well folks. it's been an interesting turn of events for me, usually I leave it all fluffy but this time the fluff has a bit of a bitter streak. Let me know what you think.

"Catch ya on the flip flop!"


	7. Epilogue

A/N: This little bit is to stop people hunting me down. For all those who liked the ending as it was DO NOT read on!!!!!!!

Alex you can stop crying now hun! Told ya I'd planned for broken hearted people!

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The Doctor walked around the control panel, stroking and caressing the surface. It was his way of apologising.

"I'm sorry old girl. I know you miss her too."

Straightening his tie he stepped out into Cardiff. The clouds had come over and turned what was left of the day very grey and gloomy indeed.

"Matches my mood," the Doctor sighed, striding towards the nearest bar. Time to say some more goodbyes.

XxXxX

"See, ten times better," Jack cheered, indicating the Doctor's suit as he flopped into one of the chairs.

"Any reason we're outside when there are plenty of tables inside?"

"Easier to run after Weevils."

"Ah, of course," the Doctor nodded, looking out at the giant courtyard and watching the water cascade down the giant metal structure.

"Besides we're not staying we were just waiting for you. I need to show Martha around Torchwood, wana come?"

"Yeah why not? A few more minutes isn't going to make much difference."

"Good man. Come on."

As they reached the fountain the Doctor hesitated. "You know what. I think I'm better just heading off. You know strike while the irons hot and all that."

"You sure?" Martha asked, her eyes shining.

"Yeah, you two go on. I'll see you in the not too distant future again I'm sure."

Jack stepped forward and put his arm round the Doctor, "You take care boss, and don't do anything stupid." He flashed his wrist computer under the Doctor's nose. "I'm always near by."

"Bye Jack. Martha. Thank you for being you. Try to keep this one out of trouble?" He offered a small smile and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek before they stepped back taking their places on the lift.

"Oh Doctor?" Martha suddenly called jumping forward, "thank you. For showing me what you did." She gathered him into a quick but tight hug and jumped back beside Jack.

"You're welcome." He raised one hand to wave and shoved the other in his trouser pocket. Once they had vanished below the street he rubbed his face and stared at the metal structure, his reflection distorted by the uneven surface and falling water. He reached out and let the liquid run over his hand, watching it trail randomly over the skin on the back of his hand.

Letting his hand drop to his side, he turned to look at his home, tucked away in a dark corner of the courtyard. Time to go. Carry on his own life like Rose had told him to. She didn't want him to be alone and he didn't intend to be he just wasn't ready for someone new. He had to do what he should have done months ago. He had to face his sadness head on instead of hiding behind all the running and adventures.

Reaching into his pocket to retrieve his key he paused, he didn't know why, something just made him stop. He turned to look round, the yard was beginning to empty but something wasn't right, something had changed and he didn't know what. The wind picked up slightly sending a chill down his spine then he saw it. A flash of colour, that to anyone else would seem completely inconspicuous and unimportant but not to the Doctor.

Suddenly his feet were moving like they had a mind of their own. Taking him away from the TARDIS; his eyes scanning every last inch for that same flash of colour to come again. He finally stopped in the middle of the space, his hearts pounding. He fixed his gaze on the corner of one of the buildings and then it came into view again. A big long multi-coloured scarf hanging round a girl's neck. Shaking his head the Doctor laughed to himself. So that was it. His brain was picking up on things that reminded him of Rose. The last time he'd been here with Jack and Rose, she'd been wearing that ridiculously long scarf and denim skirt and her hair was in plaits.

Turning back to the TARDIS his hearts clenched a little and he began back to the doors.

"You'll need a key to get in there," someone called over to him.

"Yeah, thanks. I know," he sighed. The one time someone notices him trying to get into a big blue box and it was the one time he wanted to disappear as quickly as possible.

"It looks a bit like this," the voice came again.

The Doctor spun, "I know what a key looks…." The rest of the sentence died in his throat.

XxXxX

"Jack!" Martha yelled as she watched the Doctor stop at the TARDIS on the monitors.

"What is it?" he ran to her side and grinned as he saw the two figures. "'Bout time too!"

"You knew?"

"Not knew exactly. Just had an idea."

XxXxX

"Something wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"But, you can't…" he stumbled over his words.

"I would've been here sooner but I had a slight technical hitch," she held up a modified transporter, "seems the rift express doesn't necessarily land you in Cardiff."

"Wait……what?!"

"Oh mum sent this," she held out a plastic bag. "Says 'you're far too skinny these days so get eating'. So you gona say hello or have you got even more rude?" Rose dropped her backpack on the floor and stuck her tongue between her teeth.

"You're actually here?"

"I'm actually here," she nodded.

"I…."

"The Doctor speechless. Now that's something I never thought I'd see," Rose teased.

"Did you have this planned?"

"Very tentatively maybe" Rose explained. "I still had a major hole to fix but Mickey fixed it with the help of the boys in the lab. I told you we'd been working on it."

"And you didn't think to ask me?"

"Well, I didn't want to get either of our hopes up," she shrugged.

"How long have you got?"

She pointed to her bag. "How long do you want to give me?"

The Doctor shook his head then picked her up and swung her round laughing.

"So you're pleased to see me then?"

"You are such a sight for sore eyes! No more wandering off!"

"Promise," she grinned for accepting his lips in a hungry kiss.

XxXxX

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A/N: There you are, a happy ending for those who wanted one! Like I said, those who liked the anti-domsday-fix-it you're inj the majority but I wanted to give everyone an ending they liked!

That well and truly is the end!!!!!!

"Catch ya on the flip flop!"


End file.
